Dolly Parton Pet Peeves (as read by Dolly live via satellite from Dollywood on 4/21/95)
10. Accountants who don't understand how much it costs to make me look this cheap.
9. Trying to play guitar with three-inch fingernails.
8. When the country declares my hair a fire hazard.
7. Confused Dali Lama constantly asking for theme park royalties.
6. You can't get a wig repaired because Letterman's got some kind of hairpiece crisis.
5. Rhinestone rash.
4. Whenever he visits my gift shop, Garth Brooks tries to shoplift stuff under that big hat.
3. Smartass emcees who introduce you by saying: "And now here they are, Dolly Parton!"
2. Whenever the Super Bowl is over, winner never says, "I'm goin' to Dollywood!"
1. Nobody notices I've got a great ass, too!
Surprises in Dolly Parton's Autobiography (10/12/95)
10. At her birth, doctor thought he was delivering triplets.
9. Once hitchhiked across the country without ever lifting a thumb.
8. Makes all her own leather mini-skirts by trapping and skinning small vermin.
7. She was the inspiration for the huge overhanging balcony at the Grand Old Opry.
6. Went on world tour in early '70s with the Dali Lama in a show called "A Couple of Dollys."
5. She was designed by the same guy who did New York's Twin Towers.
4. Tom Arnold once asked to marry her because he wanted to get his own show on The Nashville Network.
3. In order to remain vertical, wears special counterweights on her back developed by NASA.
2. Once night got drunk and slept with all of the Oak Ridge Boys.
1. Consulted on the Wonderbra project.